So

It's been a while

This past Sunday, I went to Church with a few friends from work

I've never been the type to volunteer to go to church

but when I went it was nice

I started accutane yesterday and I was nervous

 but now I'm feeling alright, I don't feel so anxious

but more excited,

my face has been feeling like a connect

the dots game and it's embarrassing

I feel like my skin has never been this bad and now that it is

I'm thankful that my mom pushed this on me.

I've never been able to understand why my skin

has bothered her so much but now that my skin is becoming worse

I know why it's so hard to look at.

Granted my mom has said some thing about my skin that weren't

right and appropriate to say to your daughter

but she ment it out of love and now I understand that

My younger sister is now in her apartment and it's weird not having her around

we work together but I don't even see her there anymore

I miss her.

Same with my older sister and niece

We talked on skype a few days ago and I was

amazed at how well Skyler was talking

I hadn't seen or talked to her since like march or april

and she has grown up so much

Garrett said for christmas he was going to pay to send me

out to mississippi to see them cause I had been having emotional

breakdowns cause I feel so alone here without

my sisters but we agreed no

christmas gifts cause we both can't afford it

but hopefully soon I will see them soon!

Hello!

Yesterday was an absolutely amazing day!

My wonderful boyfriend took me,

his brother, and his brothers friend to raging waters.

It was the best.

If you knew my boyfriend he doesn't like to show much affection

but yesterday he was!

he laid in the lazy river with me, he pushed me and guided me

so I didn't go under any waterfalls ( I don't enjoy getting wet)

he bought me lunch,

and took care of me since I wasn't feeling the best

( I had to get my blood drawn the same morning,

I don't do well with blood, but he made sure I was ok)

It was an unbelieveable day.

Now I'm staying at my cousins house watching her dogs.

She and her husband took their baby out to the river

I think, so I am here by myself at the house.

It was a little scary my first night,

I kept hearing noises like someone was on the side of the house

and I kept getting paranoid someone was in the house

but after I fell asleep and woke up in the morning

I felt really proud of myself that I was able to stay the night

without someone here.

So today I woke up, fed the dogs, ate breakfast, watched tv with the pups,

and took a nap.

After that, I got ready,

vaccumed the downstairs, the stairs, and upstairs,

made my bed and straightened things up,

washed the dishes,

now I'm just relaxing before I head off to work.

I think staying here by myself is really going to pay off.

I'm always to terrified and paranoid to be by myself

cause I don't know how to protect myself if anything happens.

All I know is to call the cops and hope they come in time and I'm safe.

So now that I am given the oppertunity to stay her alone,

without knowing anyone close to me,

and my dad, friends, and family are over 30 min away from me.

I'm knowing how to listen to my surroundings better,

knowing if I'm just being paranoid,

or if i'm really hearing something that I should be concerned about.

I'm also learning about how to take pride in something.

Granted this isn't my house but while i'm here I like to think

"what if this was my house?"

It makes me want to do yardwork, to make my lawn beautiful and welcoming,

to keep the house clean so if someone stops by they can say

"wow, your house is gorgeous!"

not think "what a dump"

Also, taking care of the dogs really shows me if I could take care of my own dog.

I've always said I could, without actually ever taking care of a dog.

But now I'm here taking care of not just 1

but 2 dogs and I think I'm doing great.

We play, I pick up after them, I feed them

change their water. I would like to take them on a walk

but my cousin left me instructions saying I don't need to

and I don't know where there leashes are.

"Distance only makes the heart stronger"

So....

Today,

I woke up and caught up on all my laundry =]

I was so glad I got it all done!

Then Garrett and I had date night and it was amazing

we ate dinner, got dessert, and watched

"Diary of a wimpy kid"

It was alright, not to bad.

Us at Knotts celebrating our 1 year anniversary

we like to be goof balls =]

Well I went on FB and found out

my aunt wants to be friends w/ me but

I don't really want her in my life anymore.

It's hard for me to tell her that cause after being reunited

when I was about 12 or 13 I spent every weekend with her

and my cousins. 

But then they moved out of state when I was about 16

Well then there was some legal issues involving my grandparents from my mothers side

and my aunt ( who is my fathers sister)

and ever since things have been a mess with the families

but I never got involved cause I was still kinda young for all of it

Well now I'm older and I know whats going on,

but I never held that against my aunt,

I called her and made lunch plans with her when she was in town...

she bailed on me. no phone call, no text message... nothing

then I called her again the next day, no answer, no call back

then I called her on her birthday this year,

left her a voicemail telling her I'd love to talk to her and happy birthday

nothing.. no call back, no FB message, nothing.

So i deleted her and I came up with the conclusion that I already dealt

with something like this before with my grandma ( my dads mom)

She use to make plans and promises but never followed through.

Well I'm not a kid anymore.

I don't have to forgive just cause she is family.

I'm at the age where if someone isn't treating me right

and not giving me the respect I feel I deserve,

family or not, I don't have to put up with it.

I'm not saying she has to call me every week, don't get me wrong

but hearing from her would be nice.

and not when things are going against her in the court case.

I mean my sister lives out of state and yeah she doesn't answer everytime I call her

and yeah there are periods where we don't talk cause we are busy

dealing with our own lives and problems.

but in the end we have never gone more than a month ( if that)

without talking. 

But now I don't know how to tell my aunt that I don't want her

to be apart of my life.

She was such a huge part of my life for 3 or 4 years

then she just disappeared,

broke plans,

stopped calling, stopped all contact.

ugh......

When your young you always want to be so grown up,

then when you start growing up and your faced

with hard things like this

you kinda wish you were younger

when mom and dad use to stick up and make these decisions for you

Hello! =]

So unfortunately,

I was unable to go to the fair today on a count of my boyfriend getting sick last night,

but he is feeling better. 

So instead we went to the park and had a really good talk.

He and I were going through a hard time ( we call it "our broken" stage) 

We feel most couples go through a time where they are dealing with alot of issues and it's putting a toll on the relationship,

but if we are about to stick it out and work things out to get back to normal then we can get through anything. 

So today with our talk, we really opened up the lines of communication SO MUCH!

It was insane all the things he wasn't telling me,

not cause they were bad,

he has just never been the type to open up.

but the fact he was able to open up today really helped our relationship.

Me and Garrett at my 21st birthday celebration!

After our talk,
I went shopping with my mom and grandma =\
you all don't know my grandma,
but man shopping with her can be an absolute mission.
We got to the mall at 3:30 and I had work at 5:45
but I needed time to get ready so I said I had to be home at 5.
So of course my mom and grandma take FOREVER.
I can not tell you how long we spent talking to the guy at nordstrums in the tommy bahama section.
He was a nice guy and all,
but we had stuff to get done.
Luckily,
I kept telling my mom the time so she wouldn't forget and we got home before 5 so I had more time to do my make up and hair =]


At work tonight,
I bumed into my girlfriend from high school named Dani,
we were talking and I noticed that her skin was absolutely beautiful!
( again if you knew my mom, skin and beauty is a huge deal with her) and unfortunately,
lately I've been really struggling with my skin,
anyways,
I talk with Dani and I tell her " you know I don't mean to pry but your skin is absolutely gorgeous,
may I please ask what do you do?"
She tells me that she did the acutaine program
I freaked out cause I start the acutaine program on the 23rd of this month


For those of you who might not of heard of this,
it is a skin program that you go on with a dermatologist approval.
It requires alot of work, 2 forms of birth control cause you can not get pregnant on it, if you do there is a very high chance your child will be born disformed,
a monthly blood drawing, and monthly visits with the dermatologist. 
There are also some serious side effects ( which is what I am worried about)
Depression, suicidal thoughts, crying spells, anger, violent outbursts, seeing and hearing unreal things, felling lathargic, dangerous impulses, trouble concentrating, sleeping to much or not enough, feeling worthless or guilt. and even more.
It will basically dry out and shrink all the oil glands in my face
then make them back to normal
so the oil and liquid in my face will flow out more smoothly
instead of it being sticky the way it is now which causes acne


So after talking with her
I'm really excited about having beautiful skin,
but I am still so terrified.
I just feel so lucky to know I will have friends. family, and my boyfriend
to support me.

My Sister Karly with Sky

Starr and I w/ the japanese exchange

students, on Karlys birthday =]

Today I learned,

I'm 21 years young,

I like to go out and enjoy life while I'm still young enough to enjoy it

I have the rest of my life to sit at home

doing whatever it is I want to do,

but I want to go out

experience the world

enjoy doing whatever I can now before I get to old

I don't want to be in my 60's or 70's saying

" I wish I did this, this, or that. I want to be able to say, remember the time we did this, this, or that."

First Blog

Hello Everyone! =]

I'm Brooke as you might have guessed.

Both of my sisters are starting to blog and I thought it would be fun,

so I figured why not?

Any whoo...

Basically, I have a pretty boring life as of right now.

I don't start school for a few more weeks, I only work, and I don't have many friends.

I kinda like it that way and other times I don't.

Recently, I haven't enjoyed not having friends, I didn't mind when my sister, Starr, lived

in California.  I was with her everyday, it was great.  After she left and my younger sister, Karly, moved out to go to Chapman University, things got pretty lonely.

I miss my sisters a lot, Karly is visiting Starr right now but I wish I could of gone so spend time with everyone.

My niece as a baby

I also miss my niece so much, Skyler, she is such a crack up.  She thinks she is just so funny and she usually is. I'm bummed my sister had to move, I'm missing out on watching Sky grow up.

This is my beautiful niece April of 2010

I also want to say,
Starr,
I know I haven't told you this in a while,
but I love you.
You are truly my best friend, I can call you for anything,
I miss you but I'm glad your enjoying life out in TN as much as you can

And,

Karly,
I hope you know,
I'm so proud of you with all you do in school,
with your love of film and editing, I know it can be hard at times.
I admire you so much with your dedication in school,
to become amazing at what you love.
I just hope one day I will find something I love as much as you love film,
So I can go to school and one day do as well as you
and be dedicated to making myself the best I can be.
I love you.

Anyways,
Enough with the sob story,
Tomorrow I think my wonderful and amazing boyfriend, Garrett, and I are going to go to the fair!
I'm so excited! I love the fair. 
Besides that nothing too exciting going on in my life.
Today, got my car washed, went to work and had amazing sales but horrible tips.
Alright,
Well thanks for stopping by,
hope you enjoyed this,
hopefully there will be more excitement soon.

"Love is the ONLY reality"